Saturday 5 April 2008

Escape From Xerika










This is a picture of Zaira with two bones. Greedy or what???







(It is night. Ziggy, Zaira, Gelert, Foxy (my mum), Poppy (my sister), Seven, and Buster (that’s me) are all in our dog-house, sitting or lying on blankets.)

ZAIRA: So before drawing this meeting of the ‘Xerika’ Escape Committee to a close, I want to make absolutely certain that everyone is clear what they have to do. Any questions?

(There is a pause and some general nodding.)

ZAIRA: Good. Now I suggest -

GELERT: Raising a paw in the air.) Er….

ZAIRA: Oh, for goodness’ sake, Big Guy. What is it this time?

GELERT: Well, I was just kind of wondering, er…. If er….

ZIGGY: Oh do get on with it, old boy. Some of us want to get some sleep.

GELERT: Er, sorry. I just thought it might be good if you could kind of, er, run the plan by us one more time.

(General groaning.)

ZAIRA: Gelert, we’ve already been through it umpteen times.

GELERT: I just want to make sure. That’s all.

ZAIRA: Oh for -.

FOXY: Perhaps it might be simpler if you just tell us which part of the plan you’re not sure of, dear.

GELERT: Well, I get the bit about when the humes let us out of our area in the morning and then we all go rushing about the farm like demented things…..

FOXY: Good.

GELERT: And I get the bit about rushing round like demented things once we’re on the other side of the fence…..

FOXY: Excellent.

GELERT:
Well, er, it’s the bit in between I’m a bit hazy on.

(More general groaning. Zaira puts her head in her paws.)

FOXY: I shouldn’t worry too much, dear. You’ll be working with me all the time so I can tell you what to do.

ZAIRA:
But he should worry. If he messes up his part, it could blow the whole operation.

ZIGGY:
Quite agree, old thing. One bad apple and all that caper, eh?

ZAIRA: OK, OK, but this is the very last time, so concentrate.

GELERT: Uh-huh.

ZAIRA:
The humes let us out of here in the morning and we rush round like crazy.

GELERT:
Like we always do. Yup.

ZAIRA:
Usually they don’t take much notice what we do at this point and it’s vital we use this time while they’re not watching us.

GELERT: Not watching us. OK.

ZAIRA: That’s when you, Foxy and I leg it down to the weak part of the fence at the bottom of the land - here on the map.

(Zaira points to a map of the farm which lies on the ground and indicates a large red cross on the perimeter.)

ZAIRA:
Meanwhile, Ziggy, Seven, Buster and Poppy will create a diversion -.

BUSTER: Yeah, Poppy and I are going to do cartwheels through burning hoops while Ziggy plays the saxophone and Seven does a tap-dance on his head.

GELERT:
Really? Wow, I’d love to see that.

ZAIRA: (Reproachfully) Thank you, Buster. I think we can well do without your remarks. - Now where was I? Oh yes. This is where you come in, Gelert. When we get to the fence, you push against the bottom of it as hard as you can to give Foxy and I more room to dig underneath.

GELERT: Just push?

ZAIRA: That’s right.

GELERT: As hard as I can.

ZAIRA: Exactly.

POPPY: (Muttering) By George, I think he’s got it.

FOXY:
Hush, dear.

ZAIRA: Then, once the hole is big enough, I’ll signal to the others with three loud barks.

ZIGGY: We will have made sure that the humes are back near the house by now. Buster will have stolen one of their shoes and will be giving them the runaround. Once we get the signal, Buster will drop the shoe and he and Poppy will race down to the rest of you.

GELERT: Where will you be?

ZIGGY:
I’m staying behind as a rearguard - just in case.

GELERT: That’s very brave of you, Ziggy.

ZIGGY: Think nothing of it, old man. A dog has to do what a dog has to do.

SEVEN: And I’ll be staying behind to keep him company.

ZAIRA:
So, Gelert. Are we clear now?

GELERT:
(Confidently) Oh yes.

ZAIRA:
Sure?

GELERT: Yup. And once we’re through the fence, we all rush round and when we get bored we go back home again.

ZAIRA:
Precisely. And now everyone’s clear what they have to do, I suggest we all get some sleep. Big day tomorrow.

GELERT:
Oh great. So what’s happening tomorrow then? It’s just fun, fun, fun all the way round here, isn’t it.

ZAIRA:
(Sighing deeply) Goodnight, everyone. Goodnight.